2:00pm: Rectal T 38.4°C (101.12°F) @ 2:00pm 10/28. 2:10 pm: pc Angel Kids and spoke w/Christopher @ 2:10pm: will have doctor call me 2:18pm: pc from Dr. Webster: Gave option of taking to ER (I.V. cath, bloodwork, rule out URI and later LRI) due to age or monitor at home, give Children's Tylenol 2.5 mls up to q 4 hours, and take to Angel Kids tomorrow. Discussed Kaia was a preemie and spent 13 days in NICU for feeding issues. Since she had no respiratory issues then, Dr. Webster is leaving treatment decision up to "mother's intuition." I opt to monitor fever and respiratory effort at home; if increases, will take to ER. Dr. Webster also mentioned fevers tend to rise in afternoon/evening hours, so Kaia may not find relief right away. Will call Angel Kids @ 8am to schedule appointment. 2:45pm: Administered 2.5 mls (80 mg) Children's Tylenol. 5:30pm: Rectal T 37.7°C (99.9°F) 10/29/12 5:25am: Rectal T 37.2°C (98.9°F) 8:51am: Rectal T 37.8°C (100.0°F) 9:05am: Appt. scheduled for 3:30pm @ Angel Kids (Beach) 9:15am: Administered 2.5 mls (80 mg) Children's Tylenol.
0 Comments
That's right… it IS, well was, my birthday!
I've been feeling so overwhelmed with balancing everything. The Mr. must've picked up on that… he so good about those things! The Mr. made it extra special by posting a touching Facebook post, decorating the house, cake/ice cream, flowers, taking care of DD most of the day, and very moving cards from him and DD! I definitely felt/feel loved! … with just 7 weeks to go. Monday we had a NST and BPP done. The baby tested well, however, my BP was alarmingly high. So much so, that I ended up being admitted. I was wheeled to triage.
After time there, I was admitted to Labor & Delivery, so they could monitor the baby. After several hours there, I was moved to Antepartum. Here it is Wednesday afternoon, and I am still here. The past week has been quite eventful, and not so much in a positive way. UF Beaches Women's Health Center transferred me out as a patient. They want me to have an amnio at 37 weeks (to determine lung maturity), then deliver the baby the following day via C-section. Their concern is my surgery 11 years ago puts me at a 10-15% chance for uterine rupture; if that happens, I have a 50% chance of losing the baby. They stated they will no longer treat me since I am considered high-risk, and probably no one else would work with me, as I am "refusing" a C-section.
I can understand their concern, but, delivery at 37 weeks?! Can the baby have a week or 2 more to develop? The next day I received a call from the Maternal-Fetal Medicine department of Shands informing me my doctors had transferred me to them. So, now our appointments are downtown, and have to be scheduled in the morning, as that is the only time they see patients. Me driving downtown in rush hour traffic?! They're just setting me up for blood pressure/anxiety issues! I see no harm in getting a second opinion. Thankfully, The Mr. said he'd support my decision either way. We'll just have to wait and see what June 4th brings us… I've probably mentioned this before, but I feel so alone in this pregnancy. I don't know where my husband's head is. Don't get me wrong: when it comes to getting the nursery ready and taking care of all things baby, he's great. Other than that, not so much. I understand he's busy with work and school, but c'mon! Pretend to give a damn about me. There are times when I've thought about just giving him the baby and leaving, since that's all he seems to care about.
He still takes care of just his laundry, but he does the dishes and litterboxes. I would prefer he cook and I do dishes (since that requires less standing), but, I'll take what I can get. Intimacy is lacking, but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't care enough to ask about my day, or massage my swollen ankles (aching back, or anything else), so I really don't feel badly for him. I'm sure that's no way to be, but seriously... can you blame me?! I feel badly for our child, because, this is no way to enter the world. We even hit a snag about circumcision (if it's a boy). I think genital cutting is unnecessary, and inhumane, however, he feels it's appropriate. All the reasons he gave were flawed, but I let it go. I'm just praying it's a girl, because I WILL NOT have my baby's penis cut for cosmetic reasons, and I know this will be a problem. I just get so upset when I think about all the compromises I've made for this relationship (and subsequent marriage)... this will not be one of them! I skipped my traditional shirt/bib picture the night before (which typically gets me hyped up for a race), began the race (and ran about 7 miles) on a full bladder, ran without my hat (due to wind), had issues with my music as we hit the Main Street Bridge (and fought with it for a couple miles), AND was plagued by Braxton Hicks contractions (apparently triggered by the full bladder) during most of the race . . . how do YOU think I did?!
This was my worst time EVER on ANY race (except for maybe the 2011 Donna when I was injured), so I'm pretty bummed about it. I was blessed enough to have The Mr. with me, so he kept me motivated. He even pulled me across the finish line, when I just wanted to throw in the towel. It was his first GRR, so I feel badly for performing so poorly. Next year, we'll hire a sitter and make it count! That is all. As usual, I am having a hard time keeping up with this. It'd be nice to have some record of this pregnancy, but, alas, I can't even do that right. I started feeling definite movement a couple weeks ago. It's more pronounced when I wear my Gabrialla band. Speaking of which, I've found it to be quite helpful in reducing lower back pain!
We ran the Donna 1/2 without incident. It took longer than I'd like, but I was getting psyched out since I was running the latter half by myself. It didn't help that my right hip was bothering me from running on the uneven JTB surface. It was freezing, so I didn't really have to worry about overheating, but I could definitely feel the difference with this extra 20 lbs. We had our anatomy scan yesterday (19w 3d). I was super anxious since I hadn't seen our little one in almost a month, and because I had some abnormal results from my 2nd Sequential. For the most part, the ultrasound ruled out the blood work concerns. Unfortunately, there is something amiss with the LO's brain. They also noticed excess amniotic fluid which could mean a number of things. At this point, they're taking the "wait and see" approach. We have to go back next month to see if anything has changed. Prayerfully, it will not progress. I have been very depressed lately, and this news really does not help. I feel so alone in this pregnancy. It even seems as though the baby is not moving as much since yesterday. Even though things with The Mr. are amicable, he is still emotionally unavailable. I tearfully mentioned this to him last week, but nothing has changed. I'm just so sad. We're supposed to run the Gate River Run together next Saturday, but I have been too bummed to workout. I will try to get back on track next week, but, I fear it's too little, too late. I don't have any races scheduled after this one, so I wanted to do it big and finish strong. He has really killed my joy, and that saddens me. He used to be my biggest supporter; now, he's just there. I'm sure he's unhappy too, and his unhappiness probably stems from my unhappiness. I know he is a major source of mine . . . . . . as usual. Things with the Mr. are weird again . . . as usual. We haven't spent much time together, since he's busy with school and work; when we are together, we're watching TV at separate ends of the couch (or bed). I've tried asking him about his day and getting him to open up more. It's typically one-sided, as he never asks me about mine. As I mentioned before, this is supposed to be a happy time for us. I fight off tears constantly, and, NO, it's not due to mood swings. I haven't been bonding with our LO very much, because I don't want him to think poorly of me.
Yesterday, I told him he'd neglected his duty of taking weekly belly photos (I'm 16 weeks and the last photo was taken around 7 or 8 weeks). He, in turn, told me I'd neglected my duty. I suppose he's referring to intimacy, however, who wants to be intimate with someone who doesn't talk to you or ask how your day went. I've heard actions speak louder than words, and guess I should be happy he does dishes, grocery shops, laundry (only his though), cat boxes and other things. I just can't get past the fact that there's little to no conversation! He has tons to say to his friends on Facebook, Google+, Skype and Twitter. Hell, I can't prove it though, because I can't see any of his posts! But, I digress. I'm so lonely! What's worse is I have seemingly no one to talk to. I can't tell if depression is setting in, or if I'm just stuck in a rut. Whatever it is, I pray it doesn't harm our LO. If I'd known he was going to be such a poo-poo head and sleep on the couch last night, I would have set my alarm an hour earlier, so I could have gone running. Maybe that's what's happening. I haven't been running (or exercising) much. Perhaps I'm seriously lacking endorphins. I have a 1/2 marathon coming up next Sunday, so I guess I'd better "get to work." I haven't really run a step all year besides up and down the halls and stairs of Coastal. I bought an exercise DVD, but the PS3 was gone for a bit. It's been back nearly a month now, but we haven't used it. I think I'll stick to the elliptical and stationary bike this week. I'd hate to start something new and compromise my race shape (ha!). That's all for now. I will try to check in more regularly. Perhaps I'll set a blog alarm. "Yeah . . . that's the ticket!" I am very anxious to see our little one again. It's been two weeks, and the baby had grown so much between the last two visits . . . I can only imagine the changes.
Unfortunately, this NYE was as much of a disappointment, if not more, than the last. The Mr. was distant all day. He went grocery shopping, then came home and was deveining shrimp. I tried to hug him and he shrugged me off, which, hormonal or not, sent me over the edge. I was crushed! I holed up in our room crying and organizing my side of the closet. It turned out he was making the delicious Boom Boom Shrimp tacos we had at Ale House a couple days earlier. I was so moved, but he shrugged it off. He also purchased a delicious Hershey's Dark Chocolate Pie. I was in heaven. Then, he holed up in the home office on the computer for the rest of the night. He emerged around 11:30p, but went straight to bed. Again, I started crying. This was our last child-free NYE, and he didn't even want to ring in the new year with me?! I'm getting teary now just thinking about it. Am I that horrible?! Why did he even marry me? I spent some time with the cats and dog before coming back in and asking if this is how he wanted to spend our last NYE together. He mumbled something about being tired, but he did come out a couple minutes before midnight. We held hands during the countdown, then back to bed he went. I'm really concerned. I found a small bottle of rum stashed in the home office, and a large bottle of Jameson recently appeared behind the Keurig. Is life so miserable that he has to resort to drinking? He hardly ever initiates a conversation and never asks about my day or how I'm feeling, even after I've asked the same of him. I have so many things I want to discuss with him. This is supposed to be a happy time for us. Is he nervous about being a parent? I don't understand. We've been planning this for a while. What changed? . . . by a rush of sadness, I climbed out of bed and cried myself straight to the computer. I love my husband, I really do. I've been so tired lately, and he has really taken care of laundry (his, but that's another story), shopping, dinner, dishes, litterboxes and numerous other things. He got me a Garmin watch (something I've wanted since I've started running) for Christmas and tags along on all my early morning races. He really is a great supporter . . . just not so much in the emotional department.
He's at the computer when I leave, when I get home and pretty much all night, until dinner (IF I make it, which hasn't been too often lately). We watch dinner in front of the TV, leaving no opportunity for conversation, and the TV is the first thing that comes on in our bedroom at night. Often times, our iPhones or iPads are out/in-use during all this. It's a wonder we were even able to conceive the LO with all these distractions! We literally had our first conversation (besides the "I'm pregnant!" card 11/16) about the baby and plans Thursday (12/29) over lunch! I've been wanting to discuss different things everyday, but he's seemingly unapproachable. Perhaps it's my timing . . . Anyway, I was lying awake after another potty break (thanks LO) and was overcome by this feeling of longing. I miss my husband. Yes, he's right there next to me, but he's not really there. He's wrapped up in his computers, television, and soon to be school. Then, I felt more sadness about how I couldn't afford to go to school. The two semesters I did, financially rocked my boat, and left him having to pick up the slack, and, as he said Thursday, "took money away from other things." I'm unhappy with my life, so I try going to school to change it, and it upsets our financial marriage. My car is falling apart, and we're unable to replace it. YET, we can afford a baby, and he can afford to pay the difference between what the military will cover and the cost of his education. I understand he worked hard for everything he has; I work hard too, and have nothing to show for it, and it's not because of poor financial planning. But, I digress . . . I feel stuck in the same ol' rut again, and now, I have an extra passenger (more of a blessing). Dear Lord, please bring change to our marriage in 2012. Less TV and more "US", less iPhones/iPads and more miGod. Help our child to see there is more to life (and our marriage) than gadgets and distractions to keep the other one busy, so we can do whatever we want. Help me find my voice and open the lines of communication, so I don't live life "missing" my husband and wishing I could talk to him, when he's right down the hall . . . |
AuthorKay Dub is a 40 year old stay at home mother of 1 fur baby, a First Grader and a Preschooler. An avid runner, marathon mom, fitness buff, sprint triathlete, and Noxgear Ambassador, her most challenging goal is becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman and "Wife After God". Archives
December 2017
Categories
All
|