The assignment of guardianship in case if death is not a decision to make hastily, and the fact we've gone this long without discussing it did not sit well with me. Everyday you hear about people dying, and heaven forbid… I shudder to think about what could happen if we don't make a decision and make it legal.
I don't have many, if any, friends, but DH does. One couple in particular came to mind, but when I asked him, he suggested my MIL. I can understand his reasoning (he trusts her, she's healthy enough, and she would love to have her), but I also cannot forget the things he's said about her (and experiences I've had with her) over the years either.
My heart breaks at the idea of her having to live without her parents, but it breaks even further when I think about her having to go through things DH experienced. Furthermore, I wouldn't want her to live without a positive father figure which is specifically why I was hoping for a couple…
I am praying for God's guidance and wisdom in making this decision and also for a hedge of protection for our family.
On an equally depressing note, there is further proof of how crappy a mother I am. I came home from work today to find DH working on DD's Baby Book. I was planning on getting to it, but as usual, I failed. Now he will be documenting all her milestones. Sometimes I wonder why God keeps me around. I'm utterly useless around here…
… and counting! She started saying, "DaDa" March 5th, discovered the mysterious shower water, mastered "creeping", and can keep her balance standing while holding on to something, all in a matter of weeks! I can't believe how much time has flown by… it almost makes me sad, but I'm loving every milestone she hits and watching her grow.
All this time I thought he was such a blessing (not that he isn't, but his intentions were not what I thought) for picking up the slack while I'm trying to adjust to my new life, but the truth always comes out… I don't know if that was how he was raised, or if life made him who he is, but I refuse to subject my (our) daughter to such antiquated gender roles/expectations, joking (he's alluded to such things far too often for me to believe that is the case) or not.
I pray my (our) daughter is never made to feel as badly as he makes me feel at times, especially by someone who promised to love her forever. I keep trying to forget how my feelings/beliefs are disregarded (cohabitation, my "children", churchgoing/day of rest, laundry, blessings…) and, it is my fault for allowing it to happen, but it ends now!
And, these silent treatments need to stop! They're childish, infuriating and simply not productive.
Kay Dub is a 38 year old stay at home mother of 3 fur babies, a preschooler and a toddler. An avid runner, marathon mom, fitness buff and triathlete in training, her most challenging goal is becoming a Proverbs 31 woman and "Wife After God".