… excluding the unpleasantries of physical discomfort, unsolicited advice/opinions/birth horror stories from seemingly everyone who lays eyes on your "baby bump," -- WHYYYYY is it called that?! -- and overall loss of personal space, of course. Just the thought of the excited buzz from family and friends and, often, the deepening love of your spouse or significant other is enough to make me smile. Unfortunately, I feel like my pregnancies magnify everything that is wrong in my life and find them to be among the loneliest times in my life.
For examle, my family is, once again, "distracted," because my younger sister and I are expecting at the same time. It would be funny or even exciting if our family dynamic was different.
I also have at least 7 other women in my various circles who are either pregnant or just had babies, so everyone is pretty busy.
Don't get me wrong: I am a very private person. I am not one who flourishes in attention, I do not take compliments well, and I go out of my way to "blend in" as much as possible. In fact, one of the main reasons I am terrible with blog updates is because, in the off chance that anyone is reading, I'd hate for people to know how I felt, what went on in my head or in my life; but, deep down, I, like everyone else, want to be loved.
Perhaps living alone, being buried in my work and devoting myself to my long distance relationship set me up for this isolation. I just know that I don't like it, and I don't want to live like this anymore.
So, I am going to spend the weeks I have left in this pregnancy trying to make the most of it. Pregnancy is a blessing, and God willing, this will be my last. I want to be able to look back fondly on this time. Lord help me.
Kay Dub is a 40 year old stay at home mother of 1 fur baby, a First Grader and a Preschooler. An avid runner, marathon mom, fitness buff, sprint triathlete, and Noxgear Ambassador, her most challenging goal is becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman and "Wife After God".