… and greetings cards. The Bible says, "The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit," (Proverbs 15:4 NIV), however, I have often experienced the pain of being ignored. It feels worse than physical abuse! Physical wounds can heal. How does one recover from someone you love going out of their way to shut you out (be it wearing headphones, "hiding" behind closed doors, not speaking -- or speaking only when necessary-- to you, leaving early or more frequently, and blatantly ignoring requests for even a hug goodbye…)?! That effort far overshadows any positive attributes of said person and magnifies the quality of their "love." Love doesn't shut you out, because it doesn't like what you said/did/didn't do!
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV)
I suppose I may also be guilty of this. Perhaps, I should file this away in the "Forgive & Forget" portion of my mind, pray for continued softening of his heart and for my heart/our marriage to heal. It just saddens me how much time has been lost and how seemingly empty my love tank is. I feel like I'm running on fumes, but,"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:12, 13 NIV)
I've probably mentioned this before, but I feel so alone in this pregnancy. I don't know where my husband's head is. Don't get me wrong: when it comes to getting the nursery ready and taking care of all things baby, he's great. Other than that, not so much. I understand he's busy with work and school, but c'mon! Pretend to give a damn about me. There are times when I've thought about just giving him the baby and leaving, since that's all he seems to care about.
He still takes care of just his laundry, but he does the dishes and litterboxes. I would prefer he cook and I do dishes (since that requires less standing), but, I'll take what I can get. Intimacy is lacking, but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't care enough to ask about my day, or massage my swollen ankles (aching back, or anything else), so I really don't feel badly for him. I'm sure that's no way to be, but seriously... can you blame me?!
I feel badly for our child, because, this is no way to enter the world. We even hit a snag about circumcision (if it's a boy). I think genital cutting is unnecessary, and inhumane, however, he feels it's appropriate. All the reasons he gave were flawed, but I let it go. I'm just praying it's a girl, because I WILL NOT have my baby's penis cut for cosmetic reasons, and I know this will be a problem. I just get so upset when I think about all the compromises I've made for this relationship (and subsequent marriage)... this will not be one of them!
Kay Dub is a 38 year old stay at home mother of 3 fur babies, a preschooler and a toddler. An avid runner, marathon mom, fitness buff and triathlete in training, her most challenging goal is becoming a Proverbs 31 woman and "Wife After God".