Many, many years ago, The Mr. composed a Xanga post that consisted of just those five words as what I'm guessing were his thoughts on how something in our relationship came to be. Thirteen years later, I am using those same words. What brought this on, you ask? Well, I had a rather enlightening conversation (translation: hour of silence while she talked) with my M.I.L. about parenting, mainly how much I suck at it, which stemmed from her witnessing a tantrum thrown by my soon-to-be four year old. I won't go into detail, but most of the parenting "tools" she recommended didn't sit well with me. What I found most alarming was that some of the "tools" guaranteed to "break" my child have been and still are used by The Mr. on me!
I am certain there have been at least a few posts on how lonely and isolated I feel, and there are at least one hundred times more instances that have not been documented in cyberspace. I will not go into too much more detail, but it ain't all "flowers and sausages." As recently as this weekend, I cried out for help, and things changed for about a day, but alas, here I sit. I have often suspected that was where it came from, but now I know . . . "and knowing is half the battle," or so they say. Yet, God forbid, should anything happen to us, this is how he wants our children raised?! I do not wish to discuss anyone's business besides my own, so I am going to end this here, but. indeed, it all makes sense now.
0 Comments
… excluding the unpleasantries of physical discomfort, unsolicited advice/opinions/birth horror stories from seemingly everyone who lays eyes on your "baby bump," -- WHYYYYY is it called that?! -- and overall loss of personal space, of course. Just the thought of the excited buzz from family and friends and, often, the deepening love of your spouse or significant other is enough to make me smile. Unfortunately, I feel like my pregnancies magnify everything that is wrong in my life and find them to be among the loneliest times in my life. For examle, my family is, once again, "distracted," because my younger sister and I are expecting at the same time. It would be funny or even exciting if our family dynamic was different. I also have at least 7 other women in my various circles who are either pregnant or just had babies, so everyone is pretty busy. Don't get me wrong: I am a very private person. I am not one who flourishes in attention, I do not take compliments well, and I go out of my way to "blend in" as much as possible. In fact, one of the main reasons I am terrible with blog updates is because, in the off chance that anyone is reading, I'd hate for people to know how I felt, what went on in my head or in my life; but, deep down, I, like everyone else, want to be loved. Perhaps living alone, being buried in my work and devoting myself to my long distance relationship set me up for this isolation. I just know that I don't like it, and I don't want to live like this anymore. So, I am going to spend the weeks I have left in this pregnancy trying to make the most of it. Pregnancy is a blessing, and God willing, this will be my last. I want to be able to look back fondly on this time. Lord help me. ... my first unsolicited "I love you" from my 2 year old! http://teachmetobraid.blogspot.com/2014/09/if-my-child-marries-yours.html?m=1 … Medals! I received a "Race Fund" check for my birthday last week which opened up a lot of new race possibilities. Of course, there are a few things I must consider before registering (not necessarily in this order): Training schedule: As a group leader, I can only miss 2 training runs, and I missed one for my family reunion. For example, the Jacksonville Marine Corps Half Marathon is on the training schedule, but falls on The Mr.'s birthday, so I don't know if I will run. The Space Coast Marathon & Half Marathon falls on Thanksgiving weekend, and there is no group run, so my absence will not be noticed. Cost/Location: Local races are not necessarily the most economical, but obviously a "Racecation" has its additional costs too. Who's Runnin' with Me: I've run by myself many times before, but c'mon, what's better than having your running buddies with you? Medal: To be totally honest with you, this is usually what I consider first, and what puts a race on my radar or "race-dar," if you will. I still haven't decided how best to display them (medal rack vs shower rod; chronologically vs chronologically by race vs chronologically by distance; should virtual races be separate?), so I literally have hangers with medals on them. But, I digress. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Just tonight, I stumbled upon this: http://blog.walkjogrun.net/2014/02/10/races-with-the-best-medals/ … I stumbled upon this "color test" after a high school friend posted his results on Facebook. I'm not sure how I feel about these results:
Your Existing Situation "Searching for a close bond with others which are accepting and kind. Needs a safe, peaceful atmosphere." Your Stress Sources "Current problems are seen as dangerous and threatening. Upset that everything she has worked hard for is being threatened and distant because she is powerless to stop it. Fears she is missing out on so many other things. Cannot view the situation with an open mind, but agitated and unable to stop attempting to remove the threat. Overwhelmed and overworked, the strain is breaking down her mental stability." Your Restrained Characteristics Open and emotionally involved in relationships and easily finds satisfaction through sexual activity. "Self-centered, tends to take this personally and is easily offended, which leaves her feeling isolated." Current situations force her into compromise and placing her own hopes and desires on hold for the time being. Current events have her feeling forced to make bargains and put aside her own desires for now. she is able to find satisfaction and happiness through sexual activity. Current events have her feeling forced to make bargains and put aside her own desires for now. she is able to find satisfaction and happiness through sexual activity. ******* For some reason, they felt the need to repeat the last two sentences ******* Your Desired Objective "Feels stressed due to her current situation or relationships, and needs to make changes. Looking for a solution that will increase her chances of fulfilling her current hopes and dreams." Your Actual Problem "Fears she will be held back from achieving things she really wants, leading her to search endlessly for satisfaction and become involved in activities which are pointless." Your Actual Problem #2 "Agitated, unpredictable, and irritation as well as lack of energy and inability to cope with any more pressure placed on her have left her feeling stress and tormented by her situation. Feels powerless to come up with a solution on her own; desperately wishes a solution will present itself and allow her a chance to escape." DD is a very active toddler, and, unfortunately, that means she likes to "eat on the run." The other day, I was trying to make myself comfortable on the couch and stumbled across a batch of crumbs. I asked The Mr. why this was (even though I knew the answer) and was told (jokingly, I think) our house was one giant crumb. Well, this kinda stung, but I tried to brush it off...
|
AuthorKay Dub is a 40 year old stay at home mother of 1 fur baby, a First Grader and a Preschooler. An avid runner, marathon mom, fitness buff, sprint triathlete, and Noxgear Ambassador, her most challenging goal is becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman and "Wife After God". Archives
December 2017
Categories
All
|